I am in the midst of crazy and very sad life happenings…

A very close family member has passed away very, very suddenly. I am out of town and out of my head for about another week. Our family is very saddened and shocked by this news… and we are all shifting our respective lives to pay full respects to a woman we all cared a lot about.

I keep flashing back to the surreal-ty of my father’s passing (quite similar in the quick and shock factor) and am trying to tie up loose ends in the mean time… did I mention my Blackberry kicked too?

UGH.

I remember that day, staring out of my classroom window. It was the day before I was to take off to finish the final preparations for our wedding.

I remember wishing the weather would be as gorgeous on September 16th, 2001 as I took my vows and D took his.

I remember thinking the placecards were not right. I had to fix them.

I remembered I had to confirm the number to the caterer and the crab house where we were having the rehearsal dinner.

I remember my boss coming into my class in tears saying the first tower was hit.

I remember wakening from my fantasy bridal state and feeling like I had just had my head pulled out of my ass and that there were bigger things happening around me.

I remember hearing about tower 2, then the Pentagon, then a missing plane that was off course.

I remember trying desperatley to call my fiancee’, my D and having no luck.

I remember talking to my father who told me through hell or high water that he would be in Baltimore on Sunday if he had to walk over all the bridges in New York to get there.

I remember talking to D who told me he would be at the Gramercy on Sunday with me and the officiant and that was all we really needed.

I remember panicking over all my family and friends who lived in and around the city, who rode trains under the towers, and who walked through the lobby doors and rode the elevators that were now burning.

I remember thinking that our president was hiding under a desk somewhere.

I remember feeling selfish thinking about our wedding and rearringing plans,upon plans, upon plans based on flight schedules and cancellations.

I remember crying a lot.

I remember shutting off the television because I could not cry any more.

I remember seeing my older brother, who waited for hours in the airport to board one of the first flights out of Arizona to Baltimore and thinking he really, truly loved me.

I remember 90 guests, who traveled from the NY,NJ,CT metro area standing up to the terrorists by coming to our wedding and celebrating love and life.

I remember hugging my friend Arnold extra hard because his home was a hairs breath away from the towers.

I remember the quiet kindness that followed us from Baltimore to Canada.

I remember a Canadian fire fighter putting his hand on my shoulder and telling me he was sorry.

I remember a childhood friend who lost his life.

And today, I promise never to forget that peace, kindness, and humanity matter above all else.